


Never Really Know (A Killer From A Savior)

by DeMarcos



Series: The 'Verse Changes [4]
Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, And More Angst, Angst, M/M, Series Adjacent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-05
Updated: 2017-06-05
Packaged: 2018-11-08 16:47:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11085768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeMarcos/pseuds/DeMarcos
Summary: Barry foolishly creates Flashpoint to get back everything Eobard Thawne had taken from him, only to realize he just made things worse.





	Never Really Know (A Killer From A Savior)

" _Your_ help? The whole reason I did all of this is because of what _you_ did to my life. To my family. To my _mother_."

"Yeah, but that doesn't change the fact that you'll be _begging_ me to kill her again."

Barry sat in front of Eobard’s prison, hands curled into fists so tight his nails threatened to break through the skin of this palm. He hadn’t wanted _this_. He hadn’t wanted _any_ of this. All he’d wanted to do was get his father back, his mother, Eddie, to stop all the tragedies that seemed to strike everyone around him. But all he'd done was make things so much worse, far worse than he ever could have imagined. He'd just wanted a peaceful existence, but instead, he'd created an actual living nightmare.

 

*~*~*

 

It had started the night he'd left the front porch of Joe's house, overflowing with anger at having witnessed the death of his father and needing a direction to point that anger toward, to go back to the night Reverse Flash had murdered his mother. With righteous fury coursing through his veins, Barry laid waste to Eobard, knocking him unconscious and carelessly dragging his limp body back to the future. He'd felt victorious in a way he hadn't felt since his very first fight with Mardon, the memory of his mother's face, confused and terrified but alive fueling him through the wormhole toward the life he _should_ have had.

At first, nothing seemed amiss. He speedily constructed a prison like the ones Zoom had used on Earth-2, capable of containing a speedster, unceremoniously dumping Thawne into it before he awoke and tried to put up a fight. Once he was locked up, the key all but thrown away, Barry had let out a sigh of relief, eager to find his parents, to find _Eddie_ , to experience a world where the Reverse Flash had never tormented his friends or loved ones.

With a renewed sense of purpose, he stepped outside to see his new world. Jitters stood the test of time, never having been the target of the dozen or so attacks by metas. S.T.A.R. Labs now bore the name Ramon Industries and Barry couldn't help the burst of pride in his chest, knowing Cisco had used his engineering genius to create a good life for himself and for the world with his inventions. He wondered if he was friends with Cisco and Caitlin in this reality, or if that would come after Harrison Wells -the real Wells- created the particle accelerator that would eventually give him his powers.

He lost that train of thought when passed a car with the windows rolled down, the radio turned up as the DJ talked about Kid Flash's latest fight with the Rival. _That_ was different, but Barry could only see the change as a good thing. He liked helping people, he liked keeping his city and the world safe, but all he wanted to do now was find the quiet corner that was his life now and enjoy whatever normalcy it would bring. Being the Flash had caused so much strife between himself and Eddie, and enjoying a few years without his powers until the accelerator malfunctioned - _if_ it malfunctioned in this new world- would most likely be a blessing, instead of a curse.

With that, he put on some speed, running toward his childhood home, only this time, it was different. He wasn't running to save his father from Zoom, to stop him from being killed only a few feet away from where his mother had met the same fate, he was running to see them happy, healthy, and _alive_. And they were, greeting him at the front with joyful surprise. Barry thought his heart would beat right out of his ribcage with how hard it was pounding as his mom and dad hugged him in turn, laughing and smiling as they wondered why he'd shown up so unexpectedly.

He'd played it off as best he could, saying, somewhat truthfully, that he hadn't seen them in a while and felt like dropping in a for a visit. It seemed so unreal to Barry as he sat down in the living room, his parents sitting across from him on the couch as they proceeded to tell him about their day, neither of them aware of how this reality, their current happiness, had been so cruelly stolen from them. The disconnect was a little off-putting, but Barry was just so overjoyed that they were alive that he pushed the strangeness aside, remembering that this world would be shocking to him for some time, until he'd acclimated to just how much everything had changed.

That proved to be an insurmountable task when his mother offhandedly asked Barry where his wedding ring was. His first instinct was to touch his fingers to his chest, where his and Eddie's wedding bands hung from his necklace, but there was nothing there. _Of course_ , he thought, _in this reality, we didn't have to have a quickie wedding with fake plastic rings_. _They wouldn't exist here_.

Anything from his reality that he wouldn't possess in this one would have disappeared, erased by the paradox. If he opened his wallet or checked his phone, he imagined it would be like Marty's photo in _Back To The Future_ , the items changing to reflect the choices he'd made here, his ID printed with a new address, the photos on his phone different from the ones he'd had before, if the phone itself hadn't disappeared because he'd never purchased it in this reality. But items possessed by the Barry he'd replaced wouldn't just appear on him, as he'd not lived this life up until he'd appeared in this reality with the unconscious Eobard at his side, just like he had no memories of the life the other version of him had lived up to that point.

He'd laughed giddily at the realization, a thrill traveling up his spine at the knowledge that he'd had a proper wedding to Eddie, his parents there to witness him marrying the love of his life, to see their son as happy as they'd been on their wedding day. He shook his head, an anxiousness growing inside him to see Eddie, to hold him in his arms once more, and told them he must have taken it off in his lab and forgotten to put it back on. It had seemed a good enough excuse, his dad nodding knowingly, familiar with taking off his own ring when he had to put on the necessary but overly tight neoprene gloves to tend to patients, but then his mother dropped a bombshell on him.

"Just make sure you find it before Iris finds out." She said, a teasing glint in her eye.

Panicked, his heart dropping with an almost audible thud, Barry blinked at his mom, stunned by her playful comment. His eyes darted to the mantle on the wall, framed photos line up in a neat little row, and stopped on one sitting dead center. Jumping to his feet, he darted over to the mantle to grab the photo, hands visibly trembling. Instead of a seeing himself and Eddie, he found Iris beside him, resplendent in her flowing white gown, an expression of sheer joy on her face.

It wasn't right, he thought, guts churning as he stared at the photo. It wasn't supposed to be like this, he was supposed to spend his life with Eddie. He was-

 _Barry marries Iris. Not you_.

That's what Wells had told Eddie, after he'd kidnapped him. Barry dropped the photo, the glass shattering as it hit the floor. How could he have been _so_ stupid?! The future Wells had shown Eddie was the one he'd originally come from, where Barry had grown up with both his parents and married Iris, before he'd decided to go back to attempt to kill the Flash as a defenseless child. Before the future version of himself had saved him, leaving Eobard to kill his mother in a fit of rage, to keep his revenge mission from becoming a complete failure.

It was why Barry had come up with the idea of leaving his mother a note, to give to his younger self when the time was right, to allay Eddie's fears that he was playing into Wells' hands by going back to save his mother, only to end up in a reality where they never met and fell in love. And he'd _forgotten_ all about it. Three years after the fact and Barry had done _exactly_ what Wells had told Eddie he'd do, chosen Iris over him, even unknowingly.

Barry didn't know if he wanted to puke or cry or do both. This reality's Barry may have loved Iris with all his heart, but the sight of him holding Iris in the photo, looking at his sister with such naked affection, it was enough to make him sick. It was such an utter betrayal to Eddie's memory, every single bit of it.

_"I would do anything for you, Eddie. Even break every law about time travel there is, just for you. And this way, I figured we could have our cake and eat it, too.”_

A promise he hadn't kept, another in a long line of promises he'd made Eddie, only to break them. Not remembering the note, creating the world Wells said he would, where he'd never get to hold Eddie, to kiss him, to look into his eyes as he confessed his undying love, a world where somehow, Eobard _still_ won.

He felt his mom and dad rush to his side, to check that he was all right, that he hadn't hurt himself or had stepped in any of the broken glass, but Barry couldn't even focus on them, because at what cost had he paid for the warmth of their presence?

Barry begged them off, telling them it was just a dizzy spell, perhaps from inhaling too many fumes in the lab, and that he should go home so he could get some rest. His dad didn't look so convinced, wearing the same look Caitlin wore when she didn't believe he was fine after getting his ticket punched by the new meta in town, and Barry thought it had to be a doctor thing, but his mom said nothing about his strange behavior, her hand warm on his back as she told him to take care of himself.

He hugged them both one final time, squeezing them tight, almost remiss to let them go, but he knew he had to. Telling them he loved them both and that he'd call them later, Barry quickly left the house, waiting until he was good distance away before speeding off to the empty warehouse where he'd left Eobard.

 

*~*~*

 

Barry paced across the bare concrete floor, afraid that if he stopped, he fly apart at the seams. He could feel Eobard's eyes on him, tracking his every move, and it set him even further on edge.

"What's the matter, Flash," Eobard said, breaking the silence that had permeated the warehouse since Barry returned, "not enjoying your victory?"

"Shut up." Barry snapped, wringing his hands together. "I need to think."

Eobard scoffed. "Think about what? You _won_. You stopped me from killing you, from killing your mother, you trapped me in this delightful cage, which I must admit is pretty ingenious, though I doubt it's something you thought of yourself. Which speedster did you take your inspiration from? There are quite a few, so it's hard to keep track."

Barry glared at Eobard through the bars. "I said _shut up_."

Holding his hands up in surrender, Eobard grinned at Barry. "My apologies. I just didn't figure the Flash for a sore winner. You usually take great pride in coming out on top in our little tête-à-têtes, and this is perhaps the greatest of them all." He sat down on the makeshift bench inside his cell, still all swagger. "You beat me again! You stopped the villain, saved your mom, got the girl, everything you ever-"

" _I didn't want this_!" Barry shouted loudly, scaring even himself with the ferocity of it.

The smile fell from Eobard's face and Barry flopped down onto a stack of boxes lined up against a crumbling interior wall. "I wanted to stop you. I wanted to save my mom, to have the happy childhood you _robbed_ me of, to finally be with Eddie without..." Barry trailed off, feeling as if his very soul were being crushed by the enormity of his mistakes.

Eobard narrowed his gaze, giving Barry an assessing once over. "Eddie?" He stood up, coming to the bars to stare down at him. "I thought the great Barry Allen was all about Iris West. I think I've actually lost count of how many times I'd kidnapped her, just to piss you off. Nothing personal, of course, she was one hell of a woman, and you can't help but admire that kind of tenacity, but I always did whatever it took to get one over on you."

"That was _your_ timeline. After you murdered my mom, you _changed_ the timeline. It's why I tried to change it back, because I thought if I saved my mom, it'd prevent him from killing himself to stop you from killing me."

Doing the mental math to parse out that statement, Eobard huffed out a disbelieving laugh. "You... _you_! You end up with _my_ ancestor? Is that some poetic justice or what? Star-crossed lovers from dueling houses, separated by the cruel weft and weave of time. Though I must admit, I can't really see the appeal, he _is_ one of the lesser Thawnes."

Barry was on his feet in the blink of an eye, jabbing a finger in Eobard's face. "You do _not_ get to talk about him like that! He was the most important, because he _beat_ you! When it came down to the wire, he wasn't thinking about himself, about his own selfish motivations, he was thinking about how to keep the world safe from _you_. Eddie deserved better and that's why I tried to change things!"

"But you didn't want this, yeah, you said that already. Lemme guess, in this reality, he doesn't even know you exist."

"Worse," Barry answered morosely, "I'm married to Iris."

"Something I never thought I'd live to hear you say."

"Yeah, well, thanks to you, she became my adopted sister." Barry threw himself back down on the boxes and ran his fingers through his hair. "I can't live in a reality where I'm married to my _sister_..."

There was a pause, where Eobard just stared at the sad figure of Barry in front of him, before he tipped his head back to bark in laughter. The sound resonated off the concrete, ringing cruel and malicious in Barry's ears.

"Shut up." Barry muttered, tugging at his hair fruitlessly. "I just need to think. There has to be a way to make things right."

"Mmh, but you can't. You change that night again and there will be... how many different versions of yourself there? How fragile has that point in time become, with the both of us constantly going back? How many more times can we attempt to save or kill Nora Allen before the Speed Force steps in? Before the Time Masters do? Before a time wraith or the Black Flash stops you?"

"The what?"

Eobard snorted. "Point being, you _need_ me. I know what you have to do, and being the magnanimous man I am, I will help you. All you have to do is ask for my help."

" _Your_ help? The whole reason I did all of this is because of what _you_ did to my life. To my family. To my _mother_."

"Yeah, but that doesn't change the fact that you'll be _begging_ me to kill her again."

Barry refused to acknowledge the thought had even crossed his mind. He'd been over it again and again, meticulously going through his options, but he was coming up empty handed. Barry's first thought had been to recreate the note, to go back to the moments after he'd saved his mom, after he'd comforted her, assuring her that she was safe, to slip her the note telling him about Eddie, but he ran the risk of encountering any one of the number of different versions of himself that were also there. He'd then considered stopping the hours old version of himself from stopping Eobard, but that would require _interacting_ with himself, to explain why he was interfering, which could create a whole new nightmare.

But the alternative to attempting to fix the timeline again was to stay in this reality forever. A reality where he couldn't be with Iris. It was unconscionable to maintain their marriage, but he also couldn't imagine breaking her heart by suddenly -to her- asking for divorce. It would destroy her and Barry loved her too much to put her through all that pain. He just... didn't love her like _that_. Worse still, if he was so heartless as to leave her high and dry, she'd soon find out that the reason he'd left her was to pursue Eddie. _If_ Eddie was even available. He had no way of predicting what else had changed and there was a good possibility that the universe had added insult to injury by having Eddie be happily married with a baseball team's worth of kids that they'd joked about having. But if he put things back the way they were, it would mean letting his mother die, and letting Eddie die.

Barry was beginning to think he and Eddie were always destined to never have any more time together then what they'd already had, across any number of the infinite alternate earths, and attempting to steal that time back was nothing more than a fool's errand. He got the sudden impression that maybe _this_ is what the Speed Force had been trying to stop. It had needed him to find the strength to defeat Zoom, but perhaps it had been playing the long game as well, trying to show him how much he needed to appreciate what he had, even though he'd lost it all.

"You know I'm right. And you better ask me now, Flash, because if you don't, pretty soon, you won't even _remember_ that you're the Flash."

Jarred from his thoughts, Barry blinked owlishly up at Eobard. "W-what?"

"For someone who thinks they know well enough to play around with the timeline, you certainly don't know anything about the minutiae of time travel." Eobard scoffed, shaking his head in wonderment. "And to think that _you_ are my greatest enemy... we can't just mess around with time and not expect there to be consequences."

"That's hilarious, coming from you. Everything you've ever done, all the misery you've caused is because you screwed up the timeline."

"And look where it got me." Eobard lifted his arms, motioning to their current predicament. "Time _literally_ makes fools of us all. Only this time, _you're_ the fool."

"I can fix this, okay! I can make it right, I just need to _think_."

"Ugh, we've been over this already, Barry, there is _nothing_ to think about! And the longer you take to realize what it is you need to do, the more you risk forgetting why you don't want to be here in the first place."

"You keep saying that, but what does that mean, I'm going to forget? I've always been able to remember when I've changed time."

Eobard sighed in frustration. "The you I know from the future, he's not _this_ stupid. Before, you've only changed a day, an hour, a moment. A mere drop in a vast ocean of time. But now you've changed, what, sixteen years worth of events? Time can't have an anomaly like you hanging around. It's going to catch up to you, taking your memories, taking everything that makes you _you_ , and replace it with the memories of the Barry from this reality."

Barry scrunched his face up in confusion. "If that's true, then how did you..." He trailed off, eyes going to the middle distance as he thought back to what Wells had told him. He'd killed two birds with one stone, taking over the life of Harrison Wells to create the particle accelerator years before the real Wells would, and to hide himself from whatever consequences the Speed Force had in store for him after altering the timeline by killing his mother. It was why he'd been so angry when Barry had traveled back to get the speed equation and brought a time wraith with him.

"C'mon, Barry, tick tock. While you sit here waffling, hiding from the inevitable like a lost, lonely little boy, our common enemy is coming for us both."

"Oh, yeah? What common enemy is that?"

" _Time_. You won't even realize it's happening, not at first. It'll come slowly, stealing away half-remembered childhood memories here and there, until it begins taking more important things. Memories of your family, your friends, graduations, your first girlfriend... your first boyfriend." The corner of Eobard's mouth lifted in a sadistic smirk. "That precious first kiss with Eddie. Every memory you have of him will fall away, until you finally forget _everything_ that you are. Everything that made you love him. And when that happens, this world will become _permanent_. Time will heal itself, setting like concrete, and _nothing_ you do will be able to change it back to the way it was. Not that you'd remember wanting to change it..."

Eobard pressed himself to the door of his cage, forehead against the bars as he peered down at Barry. "You have to take me back to that night and let me finish what I started. There's no other choice. You can stay here, where your parents are alive, where _Eddie_ is alive, but you'll forget ever loving him. _Or_. You can ask me to kill your mother. And all your memories of Eddie will remain intact. He'll be dead, too, but at least you'll remember him."

"Go to hell!" Barry screamed, throwing himself forward, up to the front of the prison to beat his fist against the door, hating that Eobard was right, that he now had to choose between the frying pan or the fire.

"You're taking _both_ of us there!" Eobard shouted back. "You forget who you are and you'll forget you've got me trapped in this cell! I'll be left here to die a slow, painful death because you couldn't face the truth! Now who's the villain, _huh_?"

They stood there glaring at one another, panting heavily as murder blazed in their eyes. It was a familiar scenario for Eobard, their altercations almost always ending in a face-to-face confrontation, but what good had it ever done them. Now was the time for levelheadedness, not macho blustering. Eobard let out a centering breath, and when he spoke, his voice was calm and measured. "All you need to do is ask me, Barry. Ask me and I will save us _both_."

Tears burned their way down Barry's cheeks. He couldn't do it. He couldn't choose one life over the other. It was why he had come up with the idea of the note in the first place, because he'd been stupid enough the think that the universe would allow him to bend events in his favor. But like always, whenever he tried to make things right, he only ended up making them worse. And because of his stupidity, because of his _arrogance_ , he was now truly stuck between a rock and hard place. Allow Eobard to murder his mom, to upend his whole life, or stay in this world where everyone he loved was alive, but without his memories.

He'd once been so afraid of forgetting Eddie's voice, the feel of his skin, the way his eyes shimmered in the sunlight, so how could he even think of _willingly_ giving it all up? But wouldn't it be worth it, if it meant Eddie got to live? If his mother got to live? To sacrifice of his own happiness for the sake of his loved ones, even if it meant betraying Eddie exactly like Wells said he would, choosing Iris over him, even if Barry did it just so that Eddie would be safe. But could he condemn this reality's Eddie to nonexistence just to keep the memories of his Eddie alive? It was the same moral quandary with the reverse, could he so easily turn his back on everything Eddie had done for him, the memory of his life and selfless death, just so another version of him could live? Were his memories worth the cost of a life? Was his life even worth living if he didn't have his memories of Eddie? Barry hated himself for having to decide the fate of one or another. Then again, if he hadn't decided to play god by changing things to suit his own desires, he wouldn't be in this position in the first place.

Barry swiped at his tears, knowing deep down in his heart that he wasn't capable of such a betrayal. Eddie had made his sacrifice because he'd known it would save Barry, that even through the pain of his loss, his spirit would continue to live on inside Barry. Just as the spirit of his mother lived inside him, making him the man he was today. He couldn't turn his back on that, even though it broke his heart to face it head on, to decide their fates in such a way.

Maybe this was the reason why the future version of himself had stopped him from saving his mom the first time he'd gone back, because he'd already been through all of this, and knew what needed to happen, despite how awful it was to let things occur as they were supposed to.

Seeming to sense that he'd accepted what he had to do, Eobard stood to his full height, the leather of his suit creaking. "Ask me."

"You _know_ what I need you to do." Barry snapped viciously.

"Yeah," Eobard goaded, enjoying the way the fire burned hotter in Barry's eyes, "but I want to _hear_ you say it."

Feeling a piece of his soul die for what he was about to do, Barry flicked his eyes up to Eobard's. "I need you to kill my mother."

Eobard grinned malevolently. "With _pleasure_."

Reaching into his pocket, Barry pulled out the key to the cell door and unlocked it. Eobard stepped out into the free air, stretching his arms lazily over his head, the grin still on his face. Barry's lips curled up in a snarl. "I hate you."

"And I hate _you_." Eobard retorted, the grin morphing into a mirror image of Barry's vitriol. "Yet I sometimes wonder which of us is right." Shaking off the philosophical conundrum, Eobard reached out to grab Barry, only to get a handful of air when he stepped back out of his reach. "Relax, Flash, I'm not gonna hurt you. Not today, at least."

"No, I... there's something I gotta do first."

Fairly certain what it was Barry needed to do before they left this reality behind, Eobard rolled his eyes. "God, I wish I could kill you. You bleeding heart do-gooders are all the same." Still, he reached out for Barry and this time, managed to get a hold of him. "But for once, _I_ get to be the hero."

 

*~*~*

 

Barry glanced over his shoulder at Eobard, who had done his best to remain inconspicuous near a copse of trees at the edge of the parking lot -which was easier said that done, considering he was clad in a black and yellow speed suit- before sucking in a deep breath. This was totally idiotic and ridiculous, but it wasn't like any of this was permanent. He could run down the street naked and by the time Eobard was done, no one would remember it had happened, except for them. It was why he had to do it, because this was his last opportunity before being relegated to living out these moments only in the confines of his mind for the rest of his life.

If this Eddie was anything like his Eddie, he'd be heading out the back of the station after finishing up his paperwork, gym bag slung over his shoulder, or briefcase in hand, if he was working on a big case and was too exhausted to hit the gym. Almost like clockwork, the heavy steel door squeaked open, a painfully familiar head of blonde hair appearing out from the other side. Barry's breath caught in his throat as he watched Eddie make his way across the parking lot, hitting the fob on his keychain to pop the trunk. It must have been a good day, because he had his gym bag with him today, and once the trunk was open, he deposited the bag inside, closing the lid with a firm _snap_.

He seemed happy, the same way his parents had, and that fact only made the decision worse for Barry. Still, it needed to be done and since he was already here, he decided to make the most of it. Gathering his courage before Eddie got into the car, Barry jogged over to him, waving an arm to get his attention. "Eddie, wait!"

Turning around at the sound of his name, Eddie arched when he saw it was Barry, coming toward him from the other side of the lot, instead of from the direction of the station. "Allen? What's going on? Are you okay?"

Stopping in front of Eddie, let out a weak chuckle. "Relatively?" This was _really_ Eddie he was seeing, not some imagining, not a grief fueled apparition, and not some projection of the Speed Force, but the real deal. This was the Eddie he'd fallen for, the Eddie that was headstrong, tough as nails, yet so incredibly loving and tender. "Yeah, yeah, I'm great."

"Okay..." Eddie looked at him expectantly, a quixotic smile forming on his lips. "Can I... help you with something?"

"Uh, actually, I was hoping..." Barry trailed off, nervously running a hand over the nape of his neck. He didn't really have a plan, just the idea that he had to see Eddie before he changed everything back, and that idea was already dissolving, distracted as he was by deceptively sinful lips and clear blue eyes. "I was hoping you'd give me a few minutes of your time, and then I'll be on my way. Please?"

He was intrigued by the oddness of the request, given that many of his interactions with Barry were generally limited to evidence handling and lab reports -and no small amount of pining from afar- leaving him with no earthly idea what was suddenly so important that Barry wanted to talk to him about what seemed like a personal matter. What the hell, whatever it was, at least he'd get a few moments with the guy he'd been nursing a crush on for far longer than was healthy. Pocketing his keys, Eddie nodded his head, leaning his hip against the car. "Yeah, sure. What's up?"

"I just wanted you to know that..." Barry tentatively reached out, taking Eddie's hand in his own. Eddie's brow furrowed at the gesture, but didn't pull away, which emboldened Barry to keep going. "I _need_ you to know that everything I've ever done, since the moment we met, has been for you."

Eddie pursed his lips in confusion, a thousand questions popping up in his head, the worst question of all floating to the surface. "Is this a prank? Did the guys put you up to this? I'm not some rookie in need of hazing, and if they've got a problem with me being gay, they can damn well say it to my face, not pull some bullshit stunt with the guy I- with the nerd from the lab they paid off just to get their kicks."

The nerd thing stung a bit, but Barry knew Eddie was on the defensive and didn't always think straight when he thought someone was judging him not for his character but his sexuality, especially when it was a fellow brother in blue. He'd spent far too long being bullied to turn around and treat others so poorly, so Barry didn't take it personally.

"No, I promise, it's _not_ a prank. I know it seems bizarre, but... I _know_ you." He squeezed his fingers around Eddie's. "I know you clutched your best friend's hand when you came out to your conservative parents, knowing how your father would react, but doing it anyway because you couldn't lie about who you were. I know that you pushed yourself to lose the weight that had held you back your whole life, with the help of your gym teacher, because you wanted to be able to stand up for yourself. I know you pushed yourself even further in school and through the Academy, that you were determined to be the best that you could be, because you believe in the goodness of the justice system, and that you could use it to help those who couldn't help themselves.

"I need you to know all of that, all that you've been through, the man you are today, it pushed _me_ to become the man who was worthy of even an _ounce_ of your love. And even when I failed, and I've failed _a lot_ , I kept trying anyway, because of you."

Stunned into silence, Eddie stared wide-eyed at Barry. They'd never spent more than ten minutes in the same room together, but somehow, some way, Barry knew so many intimate details about his life, speaking with such conviction about the impact those details had had on his own life. It was like his soul had been bared, leaving him naked for all the world to see. "I, uh..." Eddie licked his lips, his throat strangely dry, and tried again. "Why do you need to tell me all of this now?"

"Because this is the last chance I'll ever have to tell you what I should have years ago. I thought I could do better, that I could do right by you, to create the life we should have had together, to give you the life you deserved, but," Barry chuckled sadly, "but I failed again. And now I have to fix my mistakes. I just couldn't do that until I was able to see you one last time, to tell you how much I love you, and that I'm about to do something horrible, so I can _always_ love you."

Eddie stood stock still, absolutely floored by the admission. He had no idea how to respond to Barry's confession of love, aside from gaping at him like he'd gone mental. It was too surreal, his secret fantasies miraculously brought to life, and of course he didn't know what to say. "I-I don't-"

"It's okay, I know I'm putting too much all at once, but I've gotta go soon. Like I said, I just needed you to know how I really felt. How I'll always feel." Taking a chance, Barry used his grip on Eddie to pull him in for a hug. He didn't fight the hold, probably still too shocked to do anything other than let himself be hugged. Tucking his face into the crook of Eddie's neck, Barry closed his eyes, breathing in deeply to commit the scent of his skin to memory. Eddie finally reacted to the embrace, circling his arms around Barry to hug him back, and for one brief moment, it was like holding _his_ Eddie again.

If it had been up to him, Barry would have stayed like that forever, simply holding Eddie until the world ended, but he knew he had to go. Pulling away from him was pure torture, but Barry powered through the pain. Gently clapping a hand to Eddie's cheek, he stroked a thumb over the crop of stubble, gazing into Eddie's gorgeous blue eyes for the last time. "Goodbye, Eddie."

"Goodbye, Allen." Eddie said, somewhat breathlessly.

Hesitating for a second, Barry shook his head at how wrong that sounded on Eddie's lips. " _Please_ , call me Bar."

"Huh? Oh, uh... goodbye, Bar."

Eyes fluttering shut, Barry nodded serenely. That was _so_ much better. Releasing Eddie for the last time, he spun on his heel and headed back toward Eobard, fighting the tears that blurred his vision. When he returned to the cover of the trees, he was only sniffling a little bit, something Eobard thankfully didn't comment on.

"Ready to do this?" Barry asked, though he dreaded to hear the answer.

"Yeah." Eobard said, though he said with a strange tenor of solemnity, looking at Barry as if he were seeing him in a whole new light. The look dissipated as quickly as it appeared and Eobard clapped a hand to Barry's shoulder, the familiar bravado laced smirk back on his face. "Let's go kill your mom."

Barry snarled at him, which only made Eobard laugh. "Sorry, allow to put it more delicately. Let's go watch me save the world."

Somehow, that was even worse, but Barry said nothing as they blasted away, back to the past, to that awful night, but Barry found a kind of peace in his decision, knowing that as horrifying as it was, to sentence his mother to death, he was finally do the right thing. And when it was done, when Eobard dropped him off on Joe's front porch with no small amount of malicious glee in his eyes, Barry touched a hand to his chest, feeling his and Eddie's rings under his shirt, exactly where it should be.

Where Eddie would always be, close to his heart and forever in his memories.

**Author's Note:**

> A massive thank you to Pixsystik for helping me over the hump with this one, and for coming up with the ending, because I was super stumped on how to wrap this one -and potentially the entire series- up in a fitting manner.
> 
> And a thank you to everyone who has stayed with the series and left so many amazing comments and kudos! You are all so wonderful and I never would have gotten so far without your continued support.
> 
> <3


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